Palace Coup–Lady Kamala Doth Wait In The Wings

The President smiled, waved to Cabinet members, aides, and selected Congressmen, and took his place at the lectern, looked out over the expectant faces of reporters and friends, smiled again, and began.

“My fellow Americans, today is an important day in history, a day that will be remembered as a beacon of freedom, equality, and justice.  On this day and by my Executive Order, I will free women from the yoke of gender slavery, free men to become whatever they want to be, and give children the promise of a gender-neutral future.  I hereby authorize the Gender Freedom Act Of 2022.

“No longer will women be beholden to the patriarchal mercy of the Supreme Court, giving their bodies to a small, intellectually corrupt, elite group of non-elected demagogues  No longer will transgender men be forced to live in suits and ties, shod and girded like plough horses on the plantation.  No longer will delicate little boys have to endure the playground taunts of ignorant bullies; and no longer will tomboys have to put up with the chants of abuse and calumny.  Today is Day Zero, the beginning of the New Millennium.  A day of fame and recognition.”

Here the President paused, looked up and waited for the loud applause that was sure to follow these historic remarks.  The room, however was silent, except for whispers in the back “Did you hear what he said?”, said a reporter from the Daily Iowan.  “Did he say what I think he said?”, said another from the Boise Western Sun.

The President, feeling energized and free at last from the chattels that had held him for so long, pushed the teleprompter aside, and continued on his own.  At that one epiphanic moment, he knew how Martin Luther King felt as he addressed thousands on the Mall with his ‘I Have A Dream” speech; how JFK felt when the spoke the words, “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country”; or how FDR felt when he solemnly intoned: 

Yesterday, December 7th, 1941—a date which will live in infamy—the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan…With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph—so help us God.

The President felt a heady rush of exhilaration, supreme confidence, and an oratorical flush that he had never felt before.   Somehow, somewhere the floodgates of emotion had been opened within him.  No longer was he bound by temperance, political restraint, and bi-partisan compromise learned from years as a rising public servant.  That was history, gone and forgotten.

“We are witnessing the new American man”, the President said, “a New Age Man become woman, and a beautiful, lithe, gorgeous creature hewn from Grecian marble, a proud, prancing filly of a racehorse, a marvel of nature and of God….”

At his point a worried aide walked up to the podium, whispered in the President’s ear and took his elbow.  “Not now!”, said the President.  “I haven’t finished”; and with that gripped the podium tightly, looked out over the collection of press, supporters, and visitors from Delaware, and continued, “And we are witnessing a New Age Woman become man, whose frills, sequined tiaras, high heels, and lipstick will be thrown in the dumpster in favor of work boots, overalls, and flannel shirts.  She will be king of the construction site, prince of the high girders, rider of the purple sage….”

Another aide came quickly up to the podium followed by another, and both gently but firmly took hold of the President and led him from the dais. A few in the audience clapped, but others ran for the exits to call their editors.

“I am President now”, said Vice President Harris at a hastily organized press conference the following morning and proceeded to read from Article 4 of the 25th Amendment to the Constitution:

Whenever the Vice President and a majority of either the principal officers of the executive departments or of such other body as Congress may by law provide, transmit to the President pro tempore of the Senate and the Speaker of the House of Representatives their written declaration that the President is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office, the Vice President shall immediately assume the powers and duties of the office as Acting President.

“Except I am not ‘Acting’, Harris said. “I am the President now.  The ex-President is being cared for and is well in hand.  Not to worry.  I will carry on his work and his agenda, and I will fulfill his promise.”  Hands shot up from the press corps, with shouts of Madame Vice President, Madame President, Madame Acting President, no one sure what had happened and who or what Kamala Harris now was.

As she exited the press room, she was surrounded by The Squad - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar – radical women of color and ethnicity who had finally and publicly been given their due and rightful place at the head of the table. There were fist bumps, right-ons, and cheers as the new President exited the venue.

Before the Congress could convene to debate the rightfulness of the ‘removal’, President Harris had whisked every last trace of Joe Biden from the Oval Office – his busts of JFK, MLK, and FDR, his scratchy paintings of Rehoboth Beach, pictures of Jill, Hunter, and the grandchildren, and the personalized Presidential mug.  She sat in the Presidential chair, looked out over the South Lawn, called on the Presidential intercom for her aides, and issued her first directive.   

Her Vice-Presidential staff was by Executive Order now her Presidential staff, and she would get to the more tricky issue of new Cabinet appointees in due measure.  Although she appreciated Biden’s attempt to diversify his choices– indeed there were gay men and women, transgenders, and a raft of minority appointments seated around the table – she wanted to completely clean house.  All Cabinet members would  be women of color, half of alternative sexuality, and a potpourri of Arab- Latin-, and African-American offerings.

She had obviously been planning this historic move long ago, brought her coterie into confidence, took the political temperature of Biden supporters and opponents, signed on psychiatrists from Harvard and Duke medical schools to testify to Biden’s increasing and debilitating dementia, and waited for her moment.  There would come a time when the President would go completely bonkers and no one would fault her for taking over.  She adjusted her hair, smiled broadly to herself in the Oval Office Revolutionary War era gilt-edged mirror, and said, “I did that”.

Donald Trump howled with delight – the Congress, the Presidency, and the country would once again be his.  “I told you so”, he shouted to thousands in Las Vegas who cheered, applauded, and surrounded the former President. “Eight more years, eight more years”, they shouted.

More quietly and behind closed doors the Joint Chiefs of Staff met to decide the future.  This coup would not be allowed to stand, 25th Amendment or no 25th Amendment.  They had always known that Harris was an ambitious interloper, a vixen, a harridan in waiting, a succubus ready to take the reins of power.

Chaos reigned in Washington,  “Where is Joe Biden?” was the question on everyone’s lips.  At Walter Reed, trussed and harnessed in psychiatric restraints, doped up and incontinent, in the White House basement on bread and water, in Libya?

The Congress was overwhelmed and befuddled.  The Supreme Court was quickly convened to judge on the constitutionality of the Presidential removal and the judicial appropriateness of invoking the 25th Amendment; but before they could rule, tanks rolled up Pennsylvania Avenue, White House Marine guards saluted and backed off, and within an hour Harris and her claque disappeared to the same suspicious, unknown fate that had awaited her predecessor.  Libya, the White House basement, Walter Reed?

The Joint Chiefs pleaded for calm, refused pictures taken of them in the Oval Office, and promised to remain in power only until an unusual but Constitutionally legal snap Presidential election was to be held to coincide with the Congressional midterm elections in November.  Yes, it was to be a quick turn around, but “Think UK”, said the Chairman.  “They can do it, why can’t we?”.

Trump supporters were delirious, for their man was a shoo-in.  The ship of state would soon be righted, the detritus cleared from the decks, and smooth sailing assured.  “What a great country”, the former President said.