The President's Mistress - Biden's Steamy Affair Outed By The Witches' Coven Of The House

Rumors - impossible rumors - about President Biden's mistress had been circulating throughout official Washington for months; but no one took them seriously.  How could a man barely able to get through breakfast have the get-up-and-go for an affair?  Let alone the political impurity of such an act.  Although infidelity has been a staple of every president in American history, it never had to survive in a censorious age like ours.  

It started with George Washington who was certain to have had mistresses at Mount Vernon, among them the beautiful slave Anastasia, half-Cherokee, half Mandinka who had been bought by Martha at the exorbitant price of $1500.  Why, asked overseers and their slaves would she do that if it wasn't a gift for her husband who in his younger years was quite the Virginia gentleman who, like all of his male forbears, would enjoy the perks of the plantation.

 

Martha was a loving wife, born into a patrician Virginia family, marvelous housekeeper of the estate, confidant, and companion, but a fading beauty at best; but like most women of her class and generation had been brought up to ignore the peccadilloes of their men in exchange for civil treatment and the wealth to which they had become accustomed.  Whether or not she was a loving procurer, fitting the man to the opportunity, uninterested in sex herself but faithfully offering it to her husband, would remain speculation; but George and Anastasia were as much a couple as the soon-to-be Father of the Nation and a slave girl could be. 

Anastasia - it was never clear how the beautiful slave girl had gotten that name, thought to have been given by the Richmond planter who had bought her at a Richmond auction and thought her beauty worth an exotic name - knew her place and became part of a strange menage a trois with the American hero and his resolutely patrician, old Virginia aristocratic wife. 

 

Why not? Are unusual couplings, libertinage, and love in different shades only a post-modern thing? Sexual diversity has always been the the palette and men always the same erotic adventurers. We have simply made a big thing about it.  

George always had an eye for women, they not so much for him; but his attractiveness increased in proportion to his political power. Sex has been a staple item for presidents whether in the Presidents' House in Philadelphia or the White House.  It didn't take a Henry Kissinger to figure out that power was the greatest aphrodisiac. 

 

Washington's dalliance with Anastasia was a Virginia thing and while living and working in New York and later Philadelphia, he was too busy with the affairs of state to return to Virginia, Mount Vernon, and Anastasia. Whatever Washington did or might have done at the Presidents' House was of no interest to the press. The Gazette of the United States, Philadelphia's newspaper of Washington's era, strong Federalist supporter of the new chief executive, was more interested in the machinery of new independent governance than any personal eccentricities of the man in office.  

By 1795 in his second term the press had become more independent and critical, and he turned to office of president over to John Adams the next year.  In any case, his sexual peccadillos, even if suspected, were of no interest to anyone but Martha, and unlike Jefferson's affair with his beautiful slave, Washington's long and lovely dalliance with Anastasia at Mt. Vernon remained undisclosed until 1885 when an investigative historian, poring through daily logs and journals of the home, found repeated references to one 'Anastasia'.  

Given the tenor of the times - straitlaced but far from naive about the doings of men in power and therefore totally indifferent to them - all references remained speculative and annotated in footnotes. 

Of course everyone in and around Mt. Vernon knew all about Anastasia, and to this day stories about her still circulate among descendants of both families, tenant farmers, and tradesmen but nothing was made of it then because it had nothing to do with Virginia, colonial occupation, the fabulous wealth of Mt. Vernon and the coming insurrection. 

 

The only point being that sexual affairs have been as common among presidents as they are among the people they govern.  Only the times have changed.  People have taken sexual adventurism in high places as a matter of course and only recently has a briny sanctimony taken over Washington.  The days of John Kennedy, LBJ, and Martin Luther King - serial lovers, Lotharios, and untamed men - are long gone, faded and folded into the past affairs of Van Buren and Garfield. 

Which brings us to the rumors about the mistress of our current president, Joe Biden.  Could they possibly be true?  Except for White House history, the compellingly true observation of Henry Kissinger, and the very public and visible dalliances of other heads of state (French President Sarkozy kept his mistress at the Elysees, his predecessor Francois Mitterrand's mistress and illegitimate daughter mourned him at his gravesite along with his official family, and Romanian President Ceausescu kept a ready mistress in every province, on call in case he came to visit), no one took the rumors seriously. The witches' coven in Congress would never let him stray.  His harness was tight, the bit firmly in place, and the reins in the hands of his harridan keepers.  

 

On the other hand all men are aware of God's greatest irony - creating men with a lifelong desire for women but granting them only a few short decades to do something about it - but are equally aware that with Viagra their sexual shelf life can be been extended.  

So even an old man like Biden could have his fling, the same marvelously rejuvenating love with a younger woman that have given alte kockers revalidation and release from 'the long night of sexual obsession' wrote Paul du Chaillu, 18th century explorer of the heart of darkness, traded and re-traded, bought and sold a hundred times over by warring African tribes, wrote in his memoirs. Such was the nature of sexual obsession, he wrote, visiting him in the tropical night, even languishing and trapped in a dilapidated hut of mud and wattle.   

The witches already had the President on their neighborhood watch list because of his fondness for touching younger women, albeit - or so he says - as part of electoral affection.  He was a man after all said the leader of her coven's crewe on the floor of the House, and not to be trusted.  So with all eyes on him, the President kept his own counsel, respected sexual distancing, and never so much left the Presidential Suite at 1700. 

Or did he?  The press simply wasn't that interested.  They loved Gennifer Flowers and Monica Lewinsky for the smarm and trailer-trash irony of a sitting president; but Biden?  What could they possibly unearth?  He, unlike Gary Hart, former Senator from Colorado and presidential aspirant who challenged the press to follow him if they were so sure he was womanizing, said nothing suggestive to the Post or the Times. Gary Hart by the way got caught with his hands up a dress and was quickly out of the running, and the lesson was not lost on Biden. 

Yet there were those long weekends at his beach house in Rehoboth and Camp David, and many eager young women in his retinue. 

America is waiting for the second Donald Trump presidency. He, a man of glitz, glamour, arm candy, and sexual ambition is sure to revive the sexual spirit, dormant but there in the walls of the Oval Office, the Presidential bedroom, and the antechambers of the Executive Office building waiting to emerge yet again. 

 

There is still time for Joe Biden, especially if he is elected to a second term, reserved for presidents who finally can do what they want, bomb whoever and screw whomever without consequence. Every other president has managed his second term tomfoolery quite well and entered the history books with a few dings and dents but no real damage. 

So the rumors might be true; yet....where? and how? Rehoboth and Camp David would require the complicity of the Secret Service.  Absconding for a few days like Biden's Defense Secretary who disappeared from view for 'a medical procedure'? Or South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who disappeared 'on the Appalachian Trail' while actually in Buenos Aires with his mistress?  It can be done.

To be fair, the tomcatting of both Kennedy and Johnson was only possible with Secret Service and press silence; so even if Joe got past his wife and the censorious vixens of Congress, he would still have to be on the right side of his security detail and the Washington Post, 

Still...why not, and who exactly was that woman seen with the President a few days ago, leaving the Oval Office a bit mussed?

All of which is to say that Americans would rather have a Donald Trump in office than a dutiful husband and abstemious dreamer like Joe Biden; and maybe Biden himself has spread the rumors of his infidelity to give some needed juice to his campaign. A smart move, given his stagnation, and maybe, just maybe, the first signs of a real, down-to-earth male, macho, Presidential affair.