'Black And Brown Babies Cannot Die!', Said President Harris Of Her New Policy Of 'Geopolitical Inclusivity'

George W. Bush called Iraq, Iran, and North Korea  the 'Axis of Evil'; but the Harris Administration is avoiding any such racist terminology when it comes to Iran, Russia, and China, our most implacable, determined adversaries.  'We can work with all of them', she said, 'and bring them back into the Commonwealth of Nations.  Their children are our children, and brown and black babies are innocent victims caught in a web of turpitude, violence, and corruption'. 

 

This was read from a prepared script of course, and although she stumbled over 'turpitude' and dunned the speechwriter who could have used a far simpler word like....Here she hesitated.  'I'm no English major, goddamn it', she barked at the writer.  

Language aside, the speech endorsed her foreign policy.  Confrontation, saber-rattling, intimidation, threats, and punitive sanctions were out.  Compassion, understanding, and negotiation were in.  Of course this axis had no time for such gay ideas, and were all three Machiavellian to the core.  

President Xi thought nothing of scouring western China of the fissiparous Uighurs, Putin of the Chechens, and the Ayatollah of any counter-revolutionary zealots; but Harris stuck to her guns.  She did not get elected to go bullying and badgering those who disagree with America, but to reason with them, come to an accommodation which would promote world peace. 

 

The atmosphere in the Briefing Room was edgy and nervous.  Iran was bringing its nuclear missiles above ground and aiming them at Israel, Russia was sick and tired of dithering and aimed theirs directly at the most populated areas of Kyiv, and the Chinese had created a naval cordon around Taiwan.  

All three were simply delighted at the ascendancy of Kamala Harris to the White House and were wasting no time taking advantage of her well-publicized policy of Geopolitical Inclusivity' an international extension of her well-known commitment to race, gender, and ethnicity as the centerpiece of her Presidency. 

'If all people of color can be united harmoniously within our borders', she said, 'then why can't the nations of the world live peaceably side-by-side?'

This response to the briefing of her National Security Advisor, the Director of the CIA, and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff was surprising.  People of color were all well and good, but when they were aiming nukes at us, it was time to shuck the diversity fol-de-rol and aim right back - or at least so thought the generals.  

All remembered Curtis LeMay who had advised Barry Goldwater, former Republican candidate for the Presidency, to 'bomb them back to the Stone Age' referring to the Communists of North Vietnam and all Communists in general.  'Should have finished off the Russkies and the slopes when we had our chance'.  Times had changed, but military men were trained to shoot and kill, so what did the new President expect? That they were going to lay down their arms? 

'Explain this American diversity thing', Vladimir Putin had asked his senior foreign policy advisor. The President had found the whole idea of raising the black man to a position of racial and social superiority hilarious.  In his former KGB days he had been to Africa and decided that except for countries with something valuable to sell, the whole lot should be hived off and sent adrift.  'They eat monkeys', he was reported as saying after a clandestine trip to Cameroon. 

As for the rest of the diversity side show explained by the aide - swishy gay men, bathrooms, and sex operations - enough said.  The President ended the session and went to work with his senior military staff on their latest proposal to neutralize Kyiv and be done with the bloody war once and for all. 

The same scenarios were played out in different ways in Tehran and Beijing.  The Ayatollah and his mullahs were enraged by Israel's genocidal attacks on the Palestinians, but delighted that thanks to Kamala Harris and her pro-Palestinian stance ('Enough brown babies have died'), Israel had not delivered the knockout blow that had been expected.  Not only that, her administration had publicly committed itself to removing all sanctions against Iran in the name of 'inclusivity'.  

The Chinese, intimidated by no one now that they owned most of America's debt, had cornered the market in rare earths, had built their military to premier status, and were gaining friends and influencing nations through their No Conditionalities policy - let's make a deal, and be done with it.  

'Some show of strength is necessary, Madam President', said the head of the Army; but Harris was unmoved. 'That is exactly what we have pledged to avoid', she replied, and clotured the meeting.  She wasn't going to sit there one more minute and listen to more testosterone-fueled, playground bullying.  It was time indeed to replace them all with women!

Irritated, nonplussed, and downright angry that things had taken such a turn, the senior military and foreign policy advisors had never expected such indifference and airy-fairy accommodationist policies.  They knew that the lady's Policy of Inclusivity meant trouble, but not keeping the nukes in their silos and letting Xi and his band of thieves rule the world. 

A ladies' tea in the Rose Garden took her mind off world events. 'Welcome, my dear friends', the President said, smiling and embracing each and every one of the guests.  'My home is your home', she said, and turning to the brilliantly white portico of the White House, talked to them about everything that popped into her head, a relief after all the prepared speeches, political briefings, on-message remarks, and official statements. She happily talked about her life as a black child, the courage and honorability of her father, ghetto spinners and weaves, her closeness to the tribal beauty of Africa and of the 'terrible responsibility' of being the ruler of such a great and important country. 

When she left to return to the Oval Office she felt cleansed, back to her old self, a happy warrior, happy in her skin and confident of her vision. 

Of course that sense of peace and security didn't last long as a national security aide reported that the Houthis had fired a missile at Israel and it had hit Tel Aviv.  'Who?', the President said. 'Who did what to whom?', followed by the aide who said, 'Houthis', followed by a Who's on First Abbot and Costello routine until the President got the picture, only more Jew-hating Arabs. 

'Sorry', she said.  'Noisy chopper on the South Lawn.  Gotta run'. 

'God help us', said the Secretary of the Navy when he heard of the President's initiative to reduce the naval fleet, and to withdraw it from the South China Sea.  'Taiwan is of course important to us', Kamala said, 'but not at the cost of brown and black babies.'

'Yellow babies, actually', thought the Secretary who had had it up to here with her racial nonsense and faux inclusivity; but his President banged away as she was now increasingly wont to do about universal principles, what's good for the goose is good for the gander, and how racial justice must include the Chinese. 

'It's been a good month', said the new President. 'I see only good things ahead'