Two Old Maids Get Political - The Rise Of The Banger Sisters In Washington

Etta and Marfa Banger grew up in a small Midwestern town known for its parsimony, hard work, and Lutheran faith.  Their father owned a hardware store on Main Street, and their mother was a stay-at-home mom who volunteered for the Red Cross, the Junior League, and the Hospital Auxiliary. 

The girls, very close in age - Irish twins - were inseparable, a clique of two always seen together. Thanks to a school registration adjustment they were in the same grade, sat together at the lunch table, shared the same books at the library, dressed alike - although Etta favored plaids - and walked the mile or so home together.

Although teachers tried to pry them apart to give them breathing room and open them to opportunities, they were never successful.  The Banger sisters were an indissoluble duet. 

Predictably they were the object of taunts, bullying, and misbehavior.  No social group likes anomalies, especially a defiant one like the Banger sisters, but Etta and Marfa paid them no mind which of course angered the taunters even more.  The Banger girls had built an unassailable fortress, a redoubt of two and as much as their hecklers tried to storm it, they simply fell from the parapets. They regrouped again and again, but finally, defeated and dispirited, gave up and left them alone. 

Boys of course paid no attention to them.  No one wanted to be seen with either one even if they could manage to pull them apart.  The slightest nod the girls’ way would be tantamount to expulsion from their own tight, dependent clique. 

The girls were actually quite attractive, both of whom inherited their mother's English rose of summer beauty.  They were not twins so were attractive in different ways, but neither had any inclination to use their natural allure to any advantage.  A smile from either one of them would have won over classmates and teachers alike, so disingenuous and pure was it, but they without any intent maintained a moroseness that added to the universal mockery of the school.

 

While minding their own business, they rose to the top of the class and were awarded the highest academic honors.  They both were whizzes at math and science; and although they both considered a career in engineering, Etta was too much fan of organic chemistry and too much a critic of pulleys and cranes to want to build anything.  That, however, was as far as the difference in the two girls went.  They both received generous academic scholarships to MIT and graduated Summa Cum Laude and Phi Beta Kappa. 

'Now what?', Etta asked her sister, something neither one had considered so intent were they on their studies. 

'I don't know', Marfa replied. 'What do you think?; but after to-ing and fro-ing for a considerable time, they came up with nothing. 

'Wait', said Etta. 'I've got it.  Washington! We will become interns' 

'Interns?', replied the incredulous Marfa.  'What do we know about politics?'

'That's the whole point', said her sister. 'It doesn't matter'; and so the Banger Sisters applied for and got internships in the offices of neighboring district Congressmen, both of whom were impressed with the girls' intelligence, propriety, and recondite honesty.  

Etta had minored in economics at MIT and Marfa in political science, so their resumes were ideal - high-performing young women of serious intent and with the kind of unerring principle that was rarely found in Washington. 

They soon realized that sociability was the key to success in a town which lived on rumor, allegation, innuendo, and leaks.  As much as they hated the idea of leaving each other and their work - both had immersed themselves in drafting technical papers and editing press releases - they knew that they had to emerge from their cocoon and brave the waters of the Potomac. 

To their surprise, people listened to them.  Their brand of correctness tempered with a quickly-learned charm and simple appeal won them friends on both sides of the aisle, and in a short time they provided their Congressmen with invaluable inside information. 

'You are darlings', one Congressman said to the Banger Sisters who had joined him and his neighboring colleague for a toast to a bill they had jointly sponsored, thanks in large part to the intelligence gathered by the girls; and both were promoted to aides with impressive salaries and perks.

Outside of work the girls returned to their Dupont Circle apartment, cooked dinner, and worked on their individual projects until lights out; until one day Etta said, 'Let's go out', and the two of them went to a local watering hole for the young and up-and-coming.  To their taste it was loud and 'high spirited', and within minutes they were brought drinks and company.  'Not-a too bad-a', said Marfa, imitating a favorite Serbian tennis star who when asked by an Italian journalist with a thick accent about his recent victories at Wimbledon, Australia, and Roland Garros, nodded and said like Marfa, 'Not-a too bad-a'. 

An incidental, playful aside, but indicative of something new in the Banger Sisters - a leavening of their seriousness - but no one should take this diversion too seriously.  Neither one of them wanted anything more than professional acclaim, and God knows, no untoward attention from men. 

The sisters were as straight as arrows, not one kink in their heterosexuality, and both envisioned some kind of sexual relationship at some time, but one which would require vetting, sussing, and deliberate planning before execution.  'We're not still at MIT', said Etta when Marfa laid out her plan. 'We should just get laid and see what happens'. 

They agreed on two young prospects - blonde-haired Iowans who had come to Washington a few years earlier, worked somewhere in the Dirksen building, and who had shown the sisters clear romantic interest. 

'How was it?', Etta asked Marfa the next morning. 

'Not quite what I expected', her sister replied; but then again given the Banger sisters' incredibly high standards only an Errol Flynn or Casanova himself would do.  So they both decided to use sex the way it was used in Washington - common currency, a means to an end, and a not totally unpleasant way of getting information and influence. 

 

'Did he come quickly?', Etta asked her sister.

'Define quickly', Marfa answered, to which both girls had a great laugh at the expense of the young man who had provided useful information but little satisfaction and was left on the curb. 

As time went on, both sisters rose to prominence in Congress.  Only a few years after coming to Washington, they were chief aides to some of the House's most important committees, and their reputation for intelligence, objectivity, and political neutrality won them plaudits and further offers. 

Their personal lives had not changed despite their socio-political allure and classically beautiful maturity.  Yes, they had been courted, proposed to, and offered unthought of wealth and luxury; but they had never been tempted.  Marriage was like an equation with an elusive proof - everyone used it, but no one could prove its value.  Divorces and affairs were other currencies of the realm and led to bankruptcy.  Why even bother to go there?  Not to mention men who who uniformly disappointed on all scores. 

 

They were both approached for consideration of elected office, but both demurred.  Given what they now knew about politics, they wanted no part of that merry-go-round.  'Imagine doing that bullshit every day', said Etta in a surprisingly crude comment, 'begging, cadging, wheedling, and sucking off for money.  No thanks'; and so the Banger Sisters created their own glass ceiling, never looked up, filled their bank accounts with honest money and returned to the Midwest where they bought an old farm with horses and sheep, and never looked back.