Orphanages, Foreign Aid, And The Scam Of The Century - DOGE And The Smarmy Truth About Giving

Orphanages are an absolute good, and therefore funding them over the years has been given a free pass.  First, no one would ever use poor, destitute children to make money, and second how much oversight should be needed for such a simple housing enterprise supported by local NGOs who would provide the minimal staffing, bedding, food, and housekeeping?

This, when discovered by DOGE, was called the perfect storm - the idealism of foreign assistance (the starving children of the world), the ethos of community engagement (the people know best), and millions of unaccountable money (Congress has bigger fish to fry) - and the sheer chutzpah of the scheme, the sheer gall of those responsible beggared the imagination and shocked even the most cynical.

 

Construction cost overruns, the usual way to siphon off infrastructure money into private hands, was understandable.  One could not expect a road-building project in Angola to be as squeaky clean as one in Finland, and some 'diversions' were necessarily factored into all contracts.  Totin' privileges, skimming a bit off the top, a little pocket change were all par for the course in Africa.  Few American bureaucrats cared where a few million went, as long as mining rights to rare earths and regional political stability was assured. 

This scam, however, caused moral outcry - the very idea of using poor, hungry, motherless children as instruments of corruption was heinous, unconscionable, and vile. 

When brought before the court on criminal and civil charges, the American politician who had masterminded the scheme insisted that no one got hurt, especially children.  The scam had been a Ponzi scheme - no orphanages were ever built, no children manipulated, abused, or thrown on the streets - and so he was guilty of no more than embezzlement, and certainly not the crimes against humanity that his prosecutors claimed. 

The Congressman involved came from a rural Midwest district, known for its ample production of soy, corn, and livestock; and he himself had grown up on a small, family-owned farm.  His father had resisted the persistent efforts of agribusiness to take over his land, and became a legend for his strong, principled stance against the powers that be.  A Hollywood talent scout, having heard of the 'Stand and Deliver' courage of the man, and envisaging a possible film,  had visited the man and his family. 

Nothing came of the visit, but the Congressman, still a young boy, was impressed with his father's principled stand and found his calling.  He would someday represent his district in Congress and fight for the little man; and so it was that not many years later he found himself in Washington. 

Although he would have preferred a seat on one of the Congressional committees dealing with agriculture - in that way he could fulfil his promise to the people of his district - he found a more politically advantageous position on the House Foreign Affairs Committee. 

Where and how the idea of making money from his tenure in Congress was a mystery.  Some said it was the age-old scent of power and influence, others a tragic flaw, and still others simply the arithmetic of public office.  Every member of both House and Senate, regardless of modest income, is a multi-millionaire with houses in Washington, the Vineyard, and Palm Springs. 

An eager young woman from a well-known NGO (Non-Governmental Organization) looking after the welfare of children in Africa approached the Congressman through an aide, and asked him to please include a special note in the next appropriations bill for orphanages.  The money, given the size of the foreign aid budget would be insignificant, but to the destitute children of Africa, it would mean life or death.

She wanted nothing in return, but the Congressman, a quick learner, understood the unspoken Washington quid pro quo. The young woman, not unlike the Congressman, was particularly ambitious and anxious to barter and trade for influence and reward.  Whether or not the sexual affair materialized in any significant way or whether it was a one-off payment-for-service rendered, was not known; but the money for African orphanages got included in the bill. 

As is usual in these cases, it is the politician's aides who are responsible for tailoring the language of the bill and then arranging for the operational agenda to carry it out. The Congressman's aide who had introduced the young woman was a true Washington fixer, and knew everyone who mattered at USAID, and found a home for the orphanage enterprise. 

So far, go good, but no one - not the Congressman nor the aide, nor the young NGO woman, nor the appointed department at USAID - had any intention of building orphanages.  They, on the other hand, so the opportunity of a lifetime - a project which everyone loved and over which nobody was looking. 

Thousands could be poured into recipient countries and their 'development counterparts' - small NGOs surviving on small emoluments for whom this new operation was tantamount to their ships coming in - and hundreds of thousands more into offshore bank accounts for their Washington handlers.

The scheme was perfect.  Washington USAID managers and the young woman's NGO knew exactly how to keep federal inspectors at bay - no actual ground breaking had to be started, but copies of bids, offers, and final contracts needed to be on file.  Numbers of 'beneficiaries' were cooked, and after a time pictures of a distant unrelated foundation laying were photoshopped and sent to Washington.  ‘Work’ on all ten orphanages in the country was going along well, local officials said, and should be completed on time. 

The 'orphanages' would not simply provide housing for abandoned children, but would be the centers of vital community service.  They would be the nexus, the showpiece for African community development, a complex of social services, economic support, and community enterprise; and this vision appealed particularly to those who for decades had nothing to show for their commitment to African development.  This enterprise would show off the best of African generosity and good will. 

The scam was so ingenious that no detail however small was overlooked, and in the greatest political chutzpah anyone at USAID could remember, a delegation of African women, decked out in traditional raiment and accompanied by a group of well-dressed children, were invited to meet the Congressman and make the rounds of the House. 

 

When the photo-ops made their way back to the village, the people whooped and hollered with delight. Not only were they eating roast lamb and couscous every night, and not only had they snookered the white man, but their women were sitting with the President of the United States. 

Years passed and millions of dollars were spent on air - not one red cent ever got spent on an orphanage or a child.  As far as USAID was concerned, ten orphanages were operating at maximum capacity and performance, and every year more funds were secured for continued good works. 

When DOGE finally unearthed the scheme, even they were astounded at the level of corruption, the complex web of complicity, and the complete shamelessness of all concerned.  In a way, they had to admire the ingenuity, the sophistication, and the know-how. They thought Bernie Madoff was the genius of all Ponzi Scheme artists, bilking tens of millions from unsuspecting Jews. There could be no reparations, financial recovery, or economic recourse because there was nothing there; but this....this African orphanage thing... was a thing of beauty. 

Well, all's well that ends well.  USAID is no longer, and so its elaborate Ponzi schemes are things of the past. They will surely show up in other sectors of government and be shut down, but Musk and his DOGE legions are unlikely to see anything like this again.